Someone that I Used to Know, Part 2
Updated: Oct 8, 2019
I have always been a nurturer. In fact, I say that my vocation was to be a mom. It is truly the only thing I ever wanted to do from a very young age. When I came to launching my children into their adult lives I felt it was time for me to figure out my next plan. I had no clue as to what that would look like. I knew that working 9-5 wasn't going to work. I had been home for 20 years creating my days around my children, dogs and other responsibilities. That wasn't about to change for me. I had to figure something out.
I guess I had modelled my life after my moms. I believe I learned from some of her mistakes and managed to create a better situation for myself. I also know that my generation had a few more options then hers did. Just like the next generation will have more options, or different options than mine.
I think in every family there is a certain level of dysfunction. I always knew my family situation wasn't great but I became really conscious of my upbringing by the time I was 25. I was married by then so having a partner bear witness to your crazies, and elicit your crazies certainly brings it all front and centre. When my daughter was born I made a solemn vow to have the dysfunction of my childhood stop with me and not be passed on to my children (I did my best but I'm certain I still screwed up - I always joke about putting another $100 in the kids therapy fund!).
As parents we are a bit of a hybrid now. We can have it all. Stay at home or not. With the advent of the "inter web" and Social Media you are never alone as a parent and you have the googler and lots of work options literally at your fingertips. We can be open to the idea that we can create it all. For new moms, they don't have to wait until the kids are grown. It can start now. They can start seeking their passion and model for their children that carving out space for yourself, even if it's a hobby and not a business, allows and gives them permission to do the same. To put themselves first.
Why is all this important you may ask? It's important to me because when my marriage failed and I was in a boardroom in front of a Mediator discussing my settlement he was quick to suggest that the most productive days of my life were over (I was maybe 45). I had "missed the boat" on a career because of my choice to be at home (those weren't exact words but the meaning to me in that moment was such). I felt like a loser. I had poured my heart and soul into growing, birthing and cultivating a couple of humans with all my love and good intention and I went right back to being "not enough". If I could save anyone from that horrific feeling I certainly would. And I am. My reach is far and my voice is loud. I corral young women and preach the merits of family and contribution and the possibility of having it all. I want people to feel the full weight of who they are and what gifts they bring to the table.
Thankfully I was introduced to a business that has an amazing culture. They encourage you to be home with your children, take care of your family, give back to community and in the quiet knooks and crannie hours, reach out and grow your business. My brain has fired up in a new way. I'm so excited to hop out of bed and put myself out there making a difference. I now get to nurture my business as I have nurtured my family for so many years.
I wasn't washed up at 45, I was just getting started.