It's About Freaking Time!!
Nine months ago I declared that 2019 as going to be different for me. That I was going to figure out what my life's purpose was, launch my website and step into Tam 2.0.
Well, it wasn't for the lack of "trying" but I felt like I fell flat on my face. I couldn't figure it out. What were my next steps??
Looking back over the past nine months , there have been a lot of changes. We moved out of our temporary rental when we found a lovely little home in our chosen area (house is beautifully renovated and checked most of our boxes). With the move, I became an empty nester. Which should have me dancing naked on the kitchen island but it left me feeling lost.
I thought the move would allow for expansion (my fave word!). I thought I would float around my new home with rainbows over my head and butterflies on my shoulder. That was not the case. I felt lost. I felt like I was walking knee deep in mud. I had a hard time accessing the part of my brain that helps me reside in "Tammy Land" the land of ponies and rainbows. I was filled with negative self talk every time I passed a mirror. I declared myself a lousy person, friend, mother, lova, sister, child. That, peeps, is a heavy load to shoulder. This is not who I am or what I truly believe. I had to sit myself down and have a very stern talking to with myself. I went back to basics of what I knew was truth. I took the necessary steps to get myself out of that hole. Happily, it worked! With the help of some amazing mentors I had a "Come to Jesus" moment and saw all the past programming from my parents, my family and life experiences that had shaped that negative Nelly inside me. The thoughts and feelings I was experiencing did not resinate with who I knew I was inside. I have done oodles of personal development work, spent tens of thousands on therapy and coaching. I knew this shiz and yet, here I was.
Even though I have a thriving online business that I love and I"m so grateful for I wasn't feeling "lit" up inside. The universe served it up on a silver platter. I just hadn't been paying attention until now. Re-writing my stories and helping others do the same is my jam! All this time I was praying to be "shown" what my next steps would be and it took a sign on my bookshelf that said "You are not a Princess, You are a Queen, You've Got This" to literally fall on my head and make me wake up and pay attention. (that hurt like hell btw! - I guess the Universe had to make a point!)
We tell ourselves so many stories. Stuff we have made up or someone else made up for us that we've come to believe. It holds us hostage from living our best, most fulfilling lives. I know this because I've been there and got the t-shirt. I'd like to think that I have taken the final one, two punch and I won't revisit that crap anymore however it seems to cycle around occasionally. I'm mindful that each time it does I find myself bouncing back a wee bit faster than last time.
I'm ready to help and serve others. If you're out there saying phrases like...I can't, I shouldn't, I'm not good at that, I'm not good enough! Or you're settling for a life or relationship that's in the pooper, then we need to have a chat friendo! Playing small doesn't help you - it certainly hasn't helped me. To quote Marie Forleo "the world needs that special something that only you have!"
Tam 2.0 has been born. It was a full nine months and had to be induced with some heavy meds at the end but she's arrived. Happy and healthy and ready to greet world!