Happy August Everyone!
Summer is coming to a close! Can you believe it? I hope everyone has taken advantage of this hot (and somewhat) rainy season.
An odd place to go when the weather is so hot, however I took the opportunity to travel to Naples, Florida with my bestie and hung out at her beautiful new house for a week. We had some fun (and some not so fun) adventures while we were there. I do love me a little girl-time and I do love to be in Florida near the ocean. I pride myself on being a prolific dolphin spotter and they did not disappoint. They came to visit on the very last day and were extremely close to shore. I feel very honoured when I see them. Every time is like the first.
Because the first half of the year saw a lot of travel I made a concerted effort to be more around the house in July and August. Take advantage of the Canadian summer such as it is. I found I had a little travel burnout when I returned from Naples. Not sure if that is an age thing or a post-covid thing but I was happy to “ground” myself for a bit.
That said, I am fortunate enough to be able to experience Ontario cottage life with some of my friends and like to lean into that while the weather is good. Sadly, I am a Michelin Star smorgasbord when it comes to mosquitoes so I have to pick my spots and timing.
What is it that makes me such a yummy treat! It’s a blessing and a curse.
On a more difficult note - there were a few goodbyes said in the month of July. A curling friend, a golfing friend and my dad. Obviously losing someone is never easy. That all happened within the span of a week so there were a lot of emotions to unpack.
The two ladies that passed were in the prime of their lives. Cancer took one and a sudden heart attack took the other. If that doesn’t make you stop and assess your life I don’t know what will. I shed a lot of tears that week. For them and for their families. I am at peace with death in terms of the afterlife. My belief brings me peace in knowing that people don’t leave, they just are no longer here. I do feel whole heartedly for the family that is left behind. There has been a lot of death in my personal world these last three years so I’ve had to cozy up to it and figure it out for myself.
As for my dad, he was 97 when he passed. So to be honest it was not totally unexpected. The hard part for me is that we were estranged (again). This has been an ongoing pattern with him for my entire life. I was either excepted or not based on his "criteria" in the moment. There seemed to be certain expectations from him that if were not met found you “disowned”. The final time (which was about 4 years ago) I felt like I had laid it all out there. I was neutral where he was concerned. I had done and said all that I could. I was viewing him with a loving heart. Recognizing his limitations and working on forgiving his crazy musings (which were plentiful). When the name calling started, I was done, I simply walked away feeling at peace.
Or so I thought.....
The finality of death is crazy. There are no do-overs or take backs. Although I really thought I had done all that I could I was still left trying to process his passing. With the help of some really good people I feel like I have been able to access some memories and clarity that had been a little jumbled up in my head. I am thinking this will be a work in progress.
Now both my parents are gone. Does that make me an orphan? I certainly feel like part of me has been cut open but not necessarily in a bad way. I am feeling more authentically me now. Like a grown up. There is no one to lean on or in some cases “blame on” anymore. I am choosing to take responsibility for all of my successes and failures with the hopes that I will see more of the former and less of the latter.
So we move on the final days of summer.
I’ve enjoyed this summer. I gave myself permission to say “no” to the things I didn’t want to do. I find myself a bit tired lately - not bouncing back from things like I used to. There has been a lot of growth in my opinion.
They say that’s what happens when you are at a certain age and apparently I am there.